Time for another broadcast screed, a collection of interesting tidbits and some complete crap just to let you know that, yes, it really is 2002. Remember, if you don't want to read it, just hit "delete". Please complain if you'd like to exit any future messages, including better ones!
For some of you this is your first screed from yours truly. I hope you enjoy it.
Anyone notice how "President" Bush suddenly warned Iran not to harbor any Al Qaeda or Taliban forces? This is the same Iran that's been fighting both groups since the mid-90s, when the Taliban had 10 Iranian diplomats in Afghanistan executed, the Iran that's been feeding money and weapons to the friendly Northern Alliance, while we sat back and enjoyed our (then) unspoilt views of the Manhattan skyline. Those who paid attention to my rumors about Osama bin Laden and his men sneaking out of Afghanistan via Iran (with the aid of the Iranian insurgent group MEK) will not be as surprised as others. Bin Laden was probably already out of the country while we were bombing Tora Bora...that Bush is really on top of things. Buy that man a bag of pretzels.
Another bit of news...the U.S. suddenly cut off all aid to the Iraqi National Congress (INC), a Shi'ite insurgent group fighting Saddam Hussein, for "financial irregularities". Seems they lost $10 or $20 million in foreign aid...aw. What Dan Rather and Tom Brokaw forgot to mention is that the INC was the primary ally of the MEK, yep, the same MEK who supposedly smuggled Osama bin Laden out of Afghanistan via Iran. Stay tuned, for the plot thickens.
Ah, the 21st century. Wait'll we go back into Somalia..."Black Hawk Down: The Next Generation". Well, on to the light side of this cruel, beautiful world.
First of all, 12 January is the birthdate of our favorite Klondike author, Jack London. Jack had this to say (thanks Sergei):
> While visiting Australian suffragette Vida Goldstein in Melbourne, he placed the following in her autograph book:
> >Dear Miss Goldstein:--
>Seven years ago I wrote you that I'd rather be ashes than dust. I still subscribe to that sentiment.
>Jan. 13, 1909
For those of you who wondered what happened to Cicciolina, wonder no longer:
Porn Star May Run for Office
BUDAPEST (Reuters) - Hungarian-born porn star Ilona Staller, who sat in the Italian parliament in the late 1980s, may return to politics in April elections in her home country, Budapest daily Magyar Nemzet said Monday.
Staller, better known as "La Cicciolina'' or "Cuddles,'' was quoted by the paper as saying she might contest the parliamentary seat for Kobanya-Kispest, one of the capital's working class suburbs, where she was born.
"A lot of things tie me to Italy, but I have always confessed that I'm Hungarian,'' Staller said. "I have never left this country, either in body or soul.''
Staller said she planned to run as an independent candidate but may first hold talks with the main opposition Socialists, who are just behind the ruling center-right coalition in opinion polls.
The peroxide blonde porn star gained fame in European politics in the late 1980s, often appearing bare-breasted at public events and campaigning on a ticket of free love.
La Cicciolina became a household name when she was elected to Italy's parliament for five years in 1987. She now lives in Rome's Olgiata suburb, a neighborhood of Italian celebrities and soccer stars and home to exiled Afghan King Zahir Shah.
Staller and Moana Pozzi, the queen of Italian hard-core porn movies who died in 1994, set up the Love Party to fight for the legalization of brothels, "love parks'' and better sex education.
Staller said her campaign in Hungary, which hopes to join the European Union in 2004, would focus on helping the poor.
To inspire you further with European progressiveness, an example of German crime-fighting techniques:
Man Foils Armed Robbery with Tin of Sauerkraut
BERLIN (Reuters) - An elderly German man thwarted armed robbers by throwing a tin of sauerkraut at them, police said on Friday.
The man, 71, was working in a grocery store stacking tins of chopped pickled cabbage, one of Germany's favorite foods, when he heard men threatening a female shop assistant.
"There were two of them, they were masked and one had knocked her to the floor with a pistol,'' said Manfred Bergener, police spokesman in Korbach, central Germany.
The employee, still holding tins of sauerkraut, approached the robbers who threatened him too.
"So he threw a tin at the man with the gun and hit him in the head. That startled them and they ran off without taking any cash,'' Bergener said. The men were still at large.
Freedom-loving Americans will be inspired by this story:
Salt Lake Has Eye Out for Bin Laden
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah (Reuters) - He has been spotted driving on the Inter-State, strolling through the mall and eating a Big Mac.
Call it paranoia, a bad case of the jitters or just wishful thinking but there has been a rash of Osama bin Laden sightings in and around Salt Lake City with the 2002 Winter Olympic now just over a month away.
The FBI has confirmed it had received over two-dozen calls from Utah residents convinced they had spotted the world's most wanted man, believing bin Laden had slipped through the U.S. military's Afghanistan dragnet and hiding out in the mountains that will soon play host to the Winter Games.
"I don't have an exact number but there have probably been around 25 reported sightings,'' said FBI spokesperson Kevin Eaton. "A lot of them are just things you can't follow up on like, I saw Bin Laden driving down the Inter-State in a Volkswagen or getting a drink at the 7-11 in Provo.''
Finally, here's the website for the Al Qaeda Orientation Manual. Don't try this unless you have a lot of bandwidth...it's large:
...and a stupid comic:
14 January 2002