The Early Warning

Greetings, friends.

Yeah, just like last year. "Is it that time already?" Yeah, it's Sunset Junction in two weeks, and then in a month...THIS IS YOUR EARLY WARNING. DO NOT HIT THE DELETE KEY. NO MONEY IS NECESSARY. PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE SAND AND LOOK AROUND. YEAH, WE'RE STILL HERE.

You have been officially invited to the SEVENTH ANNUAL PEG ENTWISTLE MEMORIAL EQUINOXE PARTY!
Time: 14 September 2002, beginning at 9 PM.
Place: Headquarters of the Southern Culture Appreciation Guild (SCAG), Los Feliz Chapter.

The mojitos are strong and the conversation is always lively...see whose hair gets lit on fire this year! Who got married? Who got pregnant? In what order? "They" did WHAT to WHOM? Stop relying on shitty gossip, get the facts straight from the victims, at the reunion that makes Bob Hope look sexy, and George W. Bush look deep! Are you sick of all this "I'm too old for that" crap? Don't expect it here! We'll be burning the candles for Peg Entwistle, and at midnight we make the toast, MAY HOLLYWOOD GO UP IN FLAMES! Plus this year the boy-natives will honor Chick Hearn, who some of us first heard on a transistor radio hidden under the sheets when the Laker games were on past bedtime.

If I don't have your home address, consider this your invitation! If I haven't been over to your house since January (when I got my new computer) I MIGHT NOT HAVE YOUR ADDRESS! All right! Keep out of eye! OK! OK!

And so, let the screed begin...
First of all, is anyone you know looking for work? Here's a uniquely American opportunity. Funny, yeah, in a movie. In real life it makes you sick. Welcome to Colombia, friends.
US planning to recruit one in 24 Americans as citizen spies
By Ritt Goldstein, July 15 2002
http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2002/07/14/1026185141232.html

But too late, because your SUPERMARKET already narked you out...
Buying Trouble
by Erik Baard
http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0230/baard.php

It could be worse. If you weren't a citizen, they'd ship you off to one of our "allies" in the War on Terror, and let them work you over. Talk about "outsourcing"! This is better than sick...it's an invitation for more revenge, and our new enemies take revenge seriously.
Headline: US ships Al Qaeda suspects to Arab states
Byline: Faye Bowers and Philip Smucker
In the war on terror, the US is careful to show how fairly it's treating the hundreds of orange-suited Taliban and Al Qaeda fighters locked behind the razor-wire of the US base at Guantanamo, Cuba. But what the US isn't trumpeting is a quiet practice of shipping key Al
Qaeda suspects to the Middle East for interrogation. One reason for this new approach, US officials privately say, is that in some cases these militants' home countries have a better
understanding of Islamist groups, their contacts, customs, and language. But there's another reason, say US sources. These countries - Egypt, Syria, and Jordan, among them - use torture, which, some officials suggest, extracts information much more quickly than more
benign interrogation methods.
http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/0726/p01s03-usju.html

Do you wonder why? The last U.N. Commissioner for Human Rights was Mary Robinson, the former Irish President (and the Irish adored her fighting spirit), recently forced out for lipping off too much about U.S. global bullying since 11 September. Now they've put a U.S.-approved Brazilian bureaucrat in the job. Read the sordid details here:
http://www.commondreams.org/headlines02/0731-01.htm

Finally in the "serious" category, here's something to watch. Anyone remember 1981, when Israel bombed a nuclear plant under construction in Iraq? Nobody complained, except for the Iraqis, who lobbed a few missiles at Israel a decade later. I'll bet this time won't be so neat. Keep watching this story for next year's disaster.
Iran's Emerging Nuclear Plant Poses Test for U.S.
By Dana Priest
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A14185-2002Jul28.html

Okay, by the way, some of you heard that Geri's got another album coming out,
http://www.divineos.com/promo
Yeah, that's Hartman's house. The car belongs to Lightwood's dad.

And now, the strange and the idiotic, brought to you from every corner of the globe...

Some of you might find this news very, very sad...
The Peep Show Is over on 42nd Street
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20020801/od_nm/peepshow_dc_6

But some places don't ever change; take, for example, Texas.
Man Shot Dead over Heaven and Hell Argument
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20020730/od_nm/heaven_dc_3

Or Africa, with a unique kind of cosmic justice...
Ex-Dictator Broke, Living With Mom
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20020725/ap_on_re_af/sierra_leone_strasser_3
Sesame Street to Introduce HIV-Positive Muppet
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20020712/od_nm/sesamestreet_dc_1

Anyway, I've got good news for other Catholic fans of heavy metal...
Black Sabbath Songs Recorded in Latin
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20020726/ap_on_en_mu/estonia_black_sabbath_2

...and of Irish Soccer.
Football Team Fired for Playing Pool While Naked
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020719/od_nm/gaelic_dc_1

And finally, four more reasons not to travel out of Los Angeles...
Vibrator Humiliation Alleged in Delta Suit
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20020727/ap_on_re_us/airline_sex_toy_3
Ex-Soviets Sizzle over 'Stalin' Sausage
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020718/od_nm/sausage_dc_1
Bride Accused of Giving Drugs in Kiss
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20020715/ap_on_fe_st/drug_kiss_1
Survey: Germans Best, Britons Worst Travelers
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020719/od_nm/rude_dc_1

See you on 14 September, or maybe I'll see you on the other side...