If you notice the screed getting shorter and less frequent, it's not your imagination. It's my burn-out finally taking effect. Maybe it's "bridge-burning behavior", as one of you has said. Sorry. As I finally said last week out loud, I'm tired. I've been looking for a way out of here (and no, this is not a suicide note) for a while, and one is presenting itself...but more on this later. I'll just say the problems of America in general and Los Angeles in particular are not uppermost in my mind any more. Make love, not war, and America, love it or leave it (or, if I may quote Ms. Monde, leave loving it and love leaving it), blah blah blah.
Here's three sort of important bits of business:
1) Somebody was asking when my "uncle" was coming back from Afghanistan with a ditty bag full of goodies. I can't remember who. Yeah, he's back. Send me an e-mail or call me.
2) Toby Dammit today (Wednesday) at 7.30, at the Egyptian.
3) Tequila Mockingbird's b-day party same evening at 8.00, at Boardner's.
In a different vein, a joke from my Aunt Nona:
Sometime after January 2005...
An old man approached the White House from the park across Pennsylvania Avenue where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the US Marine standing guard and said, "I'd like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here." The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine,
"I'd like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and again just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same US Marine, saying, "I'd like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you've been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
THE MARINE SNAPPED TO ATTENTION, SALUTED AND SAID, "SEE YOU TOMORROW, SIR!"
Another joke (and some nice Flash animation)...no, it's not "Seinfeld"...it's "Rumsfeld" (thanks, Adam):
NOW let me descend into the darkest, deepest hole that the human race will carve out for you to explore. Why do Americans think they're so good? Any decent student of history will understand that, even if we didn't commit the Holocaust, we sure perfected our brand of poison gas. The Germans never had any Indians to give small-pox blankets to; the British would gladly have pushed an A-bomb onto Berlin if they'd had one. We're a nasty bunch and we have to work at keeping ourselves in check.
That said, due to popular demand (and what a sick bunch you are, you know who) I've acceded to the demand to see poor Nick Berg getting his head sawed off by a knife...yeah, here it is:
Since I've never seen a real live (admittedly dumb) dude get beheaded, I had to watch the whole sick thing. As the surfers say, gnarly. I now reject all the conspiracy theories about this sorry event except one, that he was already dead before they cut his head off. A doctor explains it here:
Read This News :: http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Middle_East/FE22Ak03.html
Not that it's any comfort to be stabbed or shot to death, and then have an asshole fake a video cutting your head off so he can accelerate his way into heaven.
Here's how we Americans get into heaven, General Dynamics stylie:
U.S. Reportedly Kills 40 Iraqis at Party
By Scheherezade Faramarzi
Iraq Desert Bombing Video Shows Carnage
By Scheherezade Faramarzi
The Associated Press
BAGHDAD, Iraq - Fragments of musical instruments, tufts of women's hair, and a large blood stain are among the scenes in Associated Press Television News film of a destroyed house that survivors say U.S. planes bombed during a wedding party.
Law and order doesn't mean shit when beheadings and torture are the rules of the day...
Iraqis Lose Right to Sue Troops Over War Crimes
By Kamal Ahmed
The Observer U.K.
Military win immunity pledge in deal on UN vote.
And if, like Mr. Rumsfeld, you prefer the word "abuse" over "torture", read this detailed nightmare and wonder how you'd like it done to you.
New Details of Prison Abuse Emerge
By Scott Higham and Joe Stephens
And of course, Americans are horrified and deeply admire the brave guy who ratted out his buddies:
Continuing the Cover-Up?
By Brian Ross and Alexandra Salomon
Military Takes Action Against Key Witness in Abu Ghraib Abuse Scandal.
Just like we believe in the First Amendment:
Reuters, NBC Staff Abused by U.S. Troops in Iraq
By Andrew Marshall
Nope, this is it for real, not some Apocalyptic movie fantasy, the Stormtroopers are marching down the corridor and yes, these ARE the 'droids you're looking for:
Avoiding the T-word: America can't treat Abu Ghraib as 'torture lite'
Marcella David IHT
Monday, May 24, 2004
It is not surprising that people are having a hard time using that T-word, but America can't treat Abu Ghraib as ‘torture lite’.
And an overwrought mea culpa from the Left:
Regarding the Torture of Others
By Susan Sontag
New York Times
Yep, time for the revolution...yah, right.
Here's my favorite conspiracy theory of the week: that the entire war against Iraq, including rumors of WMD, was a clever plot by Iranian intelligence to destroy their most hated enemy (Saddam Hussein) and liberate a country with over 10 million fellow Shi'ites, who then turned on their second most hated enemy (the United States). Think about it...
> and then putting prejudice and emotions (our collective dislike of the IRI) aside, give credit where credit is due.
> We all know that the days of the mullahs are numbered so lets be proud of our competent intelligence agents who serve their country and protect the security of
> our homeland regardless of what type of government
Here's another conspiracy that I like, although I don't understand it:
Canada rolls out red carpet for Mexican strippers
Maybe George Bush and his Christian friends are right, and it's the end of the world (thanks, Geri):
At least according to your liberty-for-all American Government...
The Jesus Landing Pad
By Rick Perlstein
Bush White House checked with rapture Christians before latest Israel move.
Thank G-O-D you can prepare yourself (thanks again, Adam):
But we can't have the Rapture before they finish the film adaptation of "The Da Vinci Code" or the "Left Behind" series...can we? There's nothing like a movie to really piss people off...
Global Warming Ignites Tempers, Even in a Movie
By Sharon Waxman
The New York Times
LOS ANGELES Any studio that makes a $125 million movie about global warming is courting controversy. But 20th Century Fox does not seem to have fully anticipated the political firestorm being whipped up by its film "The Day After Tomorrow."
Our neighbors to the east are preparing for the End Times...
Vegas Officials Launch Assault on Stench
And speaking of movies designed to piss people off...here's one they're enjoying in France while we bask in our ignorance:
Michael Moore's 'Fahrenheit 9/11' Wins Cannes Award
CANNES, France - U.S. filmmaker Michael Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11," a scathing indictment of White House actions after the September 11 attacks, won the top prize Saturday at the Cannes Film Festival.
How about another conspiracy theory (thanks, Dr. Brad):
So, the real reason that Disney doesn't want to distribute Moore's new
film? Prince Al-Walid bin Talal, a grandson of King Fahd, owns about a
third of EuroDisney, bailed them out in the mid-90s, and EuroDisney
continues to fail and will likely need bailing out again soon.
And finally...what you've all really been waiting for...not a political movie but another nasty beer ad (thanks, Jacques):
Vive le Screed!
26 May 2004