Well, we all know what day this is, don't we? That's right...it's Roberta Hoffman's birthday. Everybody wish Roberta a happy birthday and be glad it isn't yours. As Roberta said last year (insert Brazilian accent) "You donkey Americans, now my birthday is ruined." (end accent) To which I say, hey, at least no one will forget it. Ever.
Inventor of Uzi Submachine Gun Dies of Cancer (Reuters)
Uziel Gal, the inventor of the Uzi submachinegun used in countless wars, commando missions and action films, has died of cancer at the age of 78.
Is it bad to think the way I do? I almost want to laugh, but hey, ask not for whom the bell tolls, bleeding heart radical, it bleeds for thee. Alfred Nobel wasn't such a nice guy either. Here's some more good news, straight outta Paris,
Sept. 11 Conspiracy Book to Hit Stores
P.S. Maybe this is your second early warning. Yeah, I'm having a party on Saturday. Hopefully you'll look on the bright side this year. If you're in California, it's up from the Zen Restaurant on Hyperion. See you.
You just never know what's going to happen...
Fur Flies After Road Workers Paint over Dead Badger
Brazil Drug Film Gala Turns Fiction Into Reality
Jeremy Irons Cleans Up in Airport Lounge
I've sent you a picture, just to clarify things a bit. I hope I didn't crash your computer.
And finally my former boss, Mr. Arthur Pond, sent me the following bit of 21st Century lexicography,
NEW WORDS FOR 2002
Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary
********************************************************************************** BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
DINKS: Double Income, No Kids.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What DINKS turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whinny.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.
WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.
CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.
11 September 2002