The Pro-Anti-Anti-Anti Screed

Greetings, many friends,
Here's something scary just before the holiday. No, it's not war, death and destruction...someone else is sending you that. This time, just for fun, the silly stuff comes first. Here's some goodies sent to me by Ms. Beth of Oakland, California. Ever seen a cow in bondage? (Warning: high bandwidth site.)
http://www.riddleme.com/html/cow.html

How about the Vegan Church in Missouri...
http://www.allspecies.homestead.com/
...or the car that runs on air!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/988265.stm

And here's the best news of all...someone's coming to our rescue at last!
Belgians Lead Push for Regime Change in America
September 24, 2002 By Phil Lebovits
Spurred by reports of an aggressive military build-up and failure to reign in corporate terrorists, the government of Belgium is pressing for a preemptive strike against the regime of George W. Bush. "We cannot sit idly by and eat our delicious chocolates while the United States government engages in a policy of harassment," Belgian Prime Minister Guy Verhofstadt said in a nationally-televised address to the Belgian people. "Now is the time for action. We cannot waffle."
Recent reports from Belgian intelligence sources indicate that the United States is now in possession of weapons of mass destruction - chemical, biological and nuclear. "We know that the United States has nuclear weapons and that they have actually used them in the past," intoned the Prime Minister." There is no reason to think they will not use them in the future."
Verhofstadt is insisting that United Nations weapon inspectors be given "unfettered access to the massive stockpiles" of weapons, and that they be destroyed immediately. "We stand at the crossroads," pleaded Verhofstadt. "Either the United States agrees to our demands, or we will be forced to put down our delicious chocolates and lead the way for permanent regime change. Remember, my dear Walloons, the current clique in Washington was elected in direct contravention of the will of the American people. Regime change will be welcomed by their citizens."
Reaction to the speech throughout Europe was swift. "We stand with our Belgian brothers," offered French President Jacques Chirac. "France is willing to commit thirty-five troops and many cases of fine champagne to the cause. We cannot stand on the sidelines enjoying our delicious baguettes while our comrades from Antwerp go it alone. Let me assure the dear Prime Minister. France is with you, almost." Russian President Vladimir Putin did not mince any words. "Again, it is the powerful Belgians who must lead the world against aggression and American hegemony. Russia stands with her European allies and insists that the United States disarm unilaterally. I only wish we too had delicious foods."
Following the speech, the mood at the White House was one of defiance. "Let the Belgians make their empty threats," said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer. "We are urging Hershey's and Mars and other fine American chocolate makers to increase their yummy output by two-hundred percent in the coming weeks. We intend to break up the evil-doing Belgian chocolate cartel once and for all."
Vice President Dick Cheney was even more bellicose. Speaking directly underneath Karl Rove from an undisclosed underground bunker, the Vice President warned of dire consequences should Belgium make a preemptive strike. "We are prepared to strike back with alarming force," said Cheney. "The Belgians cannot bully us. They may be the world's only superpower, but we here in America have Allah on our side. To hell with their delicious chocolate treats."
Verhofstadt, while unyielding in tone and substance, did offer the Americans a plausible way out. "I call upon George W. Bush to capture Sheik Kenneth Lay, Imam Dennis Kozlowski, and the entire Worldcom terrorist organization, and to hand them over to an international tribunal. The United States can no longer harbor agents of terrorism. You are either with us or against us."
Back in Washington, the Joint Chiefs of Staff and National Security Advisor Condaleeza Rice were trying eagerly to persuade President Bush that there was indeed a country named Belgium. (c) 2001 - 2002 Democratic Underground, LLC

Speaking of regime change, I just got a sign that says "Regime Change Begins at Home. Vote." You can download one, too, at: http://www.moveon.org/PAC_regimechange2/

Okay, here's the greatest threat to our security I've seen in a while. President Bush know 'bout this one?
Bird the Size of a Plane Spotted in Alaska?
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20021018/od_nm/environment_bird_dc

And here's one for my friends who thought Paris was cheap...
Prosecutor Won't Probe Chirac's $2 Million Food Bill
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20021016/od_nm/probe_dc

Maybe next year I'll go to Sweden instead...
Woman Finds $10 Billion in Account
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20021023/ap_on_re_eu/sweden_massive_balance

Like Israel didn't have enough problems...
Bank Robbed by Own Security Guard
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20021021/od_nm/crime_israel_leumi_dc

Yet there is justice!
Hitler's Bookmark Is Stolen
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20021021/ap_on_re_eu/spain_hitler_bookmark

Some people just can't recognize it.
Daughters of Confederacy Up in Arms
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20021021/od_nm/life_confederacy_dc

Or figure it out.
Lithuania Has Inmate Beauty Contest
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20021015/ap_on_fe_st/lithuania_prison_beauties

AND FINALLY...the story we've been waiting for our whole life.
Man Bites Dog
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20021017/od_nm/germany_bite_dc

And one serious bit for those interested...this is a different guy than the last article. They sure like them Iranian films, but not them Iranians...
*Iranian director hands back award*
An Iranian film director hands back a Chicago Film Festival prize after the US authorities fail to issue him a visa to collect it.

Finally, here's a great article, like the Belgian business above, but without the humor:
WAR CRY
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/020927/7/2bxul.html

Last but not least, here's a greeting from the Supreme Beings (high bandwidth only!)
http://www.sbleisure.com/ecard/ghetto.php

Go in peace, go in peace, go in peace, and VOTE!