The Last Screed Left Alive on Earth

Greetings, many friends,
My, my, so much has happened, it makes you proud to be an American. In this screed I only touch on the digestible bits of irony and idiocy from around the globe. For the hardcore World War III "Pax Americana" b.s., turn on yer TV. If you want to FIGHT BACK, then join a few of your friends at the FEDERAL BUILDING in WESTWOOD this SUNDAY. I'll be the one with the sign that says "USA OUT OF CALIFORNIA" and on the other side, "AMERICA VS. THE EARTH - POW!"

Also notice halfway down, some musical entertainment per Geri, and after that, a larger than usual list of absolute stupidity from every continent, save Antarctica.

First of all, who is this asshole Tom Lantos? He's some Democratic Congressman from Silicon Valley, and he had the stones to tell some awestruck reporter that we were going to put a "pro-Western dictator" in power in Iraq. Well, you can't fault his honesty,
An article from Haaretz:
http://www.haaretzdaily.com/hasen/pages/ShArt.jhtml?itemNo=214159

Of course, all this war talk makes one wonder. Anybody listen to Bush's speech to the U.N., and try replacing the word "Iraq" with "Israel"? The speech still works. Not that I'm being anti-Semitic (wouldn't that be a twist), but don't the Israelis have a few outstanding resolutions in the U.N.?

Hey, and did anyone catch Mr. Bush's big talker, Ari Fleischer, suggesting someone put a bullet in Saddam? Don't offer to do the same for Mr. Bush...it's a felony. Here, somebody else noticed:
http://www.csmonitor.com/2002/0925/p02s01-uspo.html
Headline: Bush team wants world focus on Iraq, not Israel
Byline: Howard LaFranchi Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor
Date: 09/25/2002
While American diplomats are concerned about the escalating violence in its own right, the acute concern raised by the recent violence is how it complicates American efforts to muster Arab support for the US campaign against Iraq - especially for a tough new United Nations Security Council resolution expected to demand that Iraq either accept unfettered weapons inspections, or face the consequences. Calling efforts to "stir up violence in Israel ... pull Israel into an active conflict ..." and raise international concerns about the Palestinians' well-being the "cost-effective strategy in Saddam Hussein's arsenal," Mr. Lustick adds, "We're seeing just the first skirmishes of what we can expect along this line." Already Arab states have pressed the issue, citing Israel's decades of flaunting UN demands. This makes President Bush's call for the UN to enforce Security Council resolutions on Iraq as politically expedient. "Why these double standards?" Yanya Mahmassani, a representative of the Arab League asked on Tuesday at the UN.

From the sublime to the ridiculous...if you're from Iran, don't even bother to come to the U.S. A filmmaker of repute was denied a visa to visit New York for a festival, and in protest, several of the winners at Cannes have decided not to attend:
To view the contents on www.heraldtribune.com, go to: http://www.heraldtribune.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=@@2002210010665

Okay, here's something completely different:
Yeah, Geri's going on tour with the Supreme Beings of Leisure. Here's a slightly edited version of the itinerary...if you happen to be on the list, go ahead and do yourself a favor. No, sorry, I'm not making the midnight run to Vegas, but you might like it...I hear somebody's going to trash a suite at the Venetian.
15 October - San Francisco - Bimbo's 365
16 October - Los Angeles - House of Blues
20 October - Las Vegas - House of Blues
03 November - Chicago - House of Blues
06 November - New York - Bowery Ballroom
13 November - New Orleans - House of Blues
14 November - Atlanta - Eleven50

You can find out more here:
http://www.sbleisure.com/
http://www.divineos.com/promo/

Okay, now it's on to the stupidest news items that caught my eye this week. I'm a year older and yet it still hurts when I laugh. This time, idiots from Germany,
Ex-Communists Lure Votes with Sex and Drugs
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020919/od_nm/election_dc
Unemployed Turn to TV Game Show to Win Jobs
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020926/od_nm/jobs_dc

Colombia,
Congressman Challenges Vice President to Duel
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020925/od_nm/duel_dc

Australia,
Twin Towers Cake Pulled from Australian Show
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20021001/od_nm/australia_usa_cake_dc

Belgium,
Bin Laden Lookalikes Audition on 9/11
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020911/od_nm/osama_dc

Brazil,
Gun-Toting Musician Forces DJ to Play His Album
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020919/od_nm/radio_dc

At the United Nations,
Are Blondes Headed for Extinction? UN Agency Demurs
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20021002/od_nm/media_blonds_un_dc

Texas,
Texas Man Charged for Using Stun-gun on Stepson
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020928/od_nm/crime_stungun_dc

Canada,
Canadian Man Tries to Bungee on to Cruise Ship
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20021001/od_nm/life_canada_bungee_dc

Italy,
Italians Yawn at Too Wholesome Beauty Contest
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020910/od_nm/miss_dc
Sexy Pin-Ups Model Coffins for Italian Funeral Home
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020917/od_nm/coffins_dc

England,
Britain's 'Loony Party' Courts Votes for Insanity
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020930/od_nm/life_britain_loonies_dc

Poland,
Poles May Shun Guinness if Irish Reject EU Vote
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020930/od_nm/eu_enlargement_poland_dc

Yemen,
Man Divorces Quarrelsome Wife for Mute Woman
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020916/od_nm/wife_dc

Iran,
Three Iranians to Be Lashed for Filming Women
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020930/od_nm/iran_lashings_dc

Finland,
Lady Shaver Sets Off Bomb Alert
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020926/od_nm/shaver_dc

Bulgaria,
Missile-Shaped Soft Drink Blasts Off
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020913/od_nm/softdrink_dc

And my favorite idiots of all, Californians,
Californians Get Pot in Medical Marijuana Protest
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/nm/20020918/od_nm/marijuana_dc
Calif. Town Residents to Pick Pot
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20021001/ap_on_re_us/pot_shoveling

Finally, a little joke.
> From: Moji Agha
> Subject: [disc] WONDERFUL JOKE: Genie and the Middle East Map
>
> A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp.
>
> She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes.
>
> The Genie said: "Nope.....due to inflation, constant down-sizing, low wages in the third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant one wish. So...what'll it be?"
>
> The woman didn't hesitate. She said: "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."
>
> The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed: "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done, at least with my humble powers. Make another wish."
>
> The woman thought for a minute and said: "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one who is considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for....a good mate."
>
> The Genie let out a long sigh and said: "Let me see that fucking map again."

Viva la Screed!