When the Going Gets Weird, the Weird Read the Screed

Greetings, friends,
Although I've seen sporadic usage of the phrase, "That's so Twentieth Century," which I'd hoped to see tearing up the Internet by now, I am pleased to report the new slogan of the LA Metro's new anti-graffiti campaign: "Tagging Is So Last Century. Clean It Up, LA." Not only is this banality thrust at me daily on our shiny (and relatively tag-free) subway, but it's directed at teenagers who, sadly, remember less and less of the last century every day but know a lot about tagging. I confess to forgetting a lot of that century myself. But the Twenty-first Century has been such an adventure...and it's only getting stranger and stranger.

For example, those wondering my opinion about the recent recall election and the reality of living in Arnold-Staat might be surprised to learn that I am far more angry that over 12000 people voted for former child-star GARY COLEMAN. Although over 200 people voted for the "other" Gary, local photographer Gary Leonard, I believe that these first 12000 need to be ejected from the state...no questions asked. I mean, Gary Coleman...that's so last century.

In another rather arcane bit of news, some of my local friends have no doubt been wondering about the large vacant lot next to the Sunset/Vermont subway station. Yes, I know you've been holding your breath, waiting for yet another thrilling mini-mall to replace the present collection of homeless garbage-filled shopping carts. But grading on this lot proceeds apace, and I am very pleased to announce that the new sign over the area proclaims it as the future home of the BULGARIAN CULTURAL CENTER! Wow! What kind of strange delicacies will we be able to soon sample in our own backyard?

I wonder if it will be anything like the diversions available over in Germany?
German Men Get Own Kindergarten While Wives Shop
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20031007/od_nm/odd_germany_men_dc

Okay, sorry, but I love this further attack on members of my esteemed profession. This is part of a transcript from the "Today Show" sent to me by a colleague. Remember Reagan flunkie Ed Meese?
COURIC: What about the whole concept of--of the government having access to medical records, library records, and student records without any probable cause, and the government doesn't even have to inform the individual that these records were retrieved by--by federal officials? I know the American Library Association was very, very upset about giving access to library books, or anything that was done at a library. They issued this statement: "The American Library Association opposes any use of governmental power to suppress the free and open exchange of knowledge and information, or to intimidate individuals exercising free inquiry. ALA considers that sections of the USA Patriot Act are a present danger to the constitutional rights and privacy rights of library users." What's your response to that? And obviously the American Library Association has a huge issue with this.

MEESE: Well, first of all, there's never--it's never even been used against--in the case of a library, as was indicated the other day by the attorney general. Furthermore, I think librarians, unfortunately, some of them at least, are more interested in allowing pornography to go to children than they are fighting terrorism.

STROSSEN: Oh, please.

A porno-loving librarian would find slimmer pickings in France, now that they've embraced a disturbingly American-like prudishness:
No Thongs or Midriffs Please, Say French Schools
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20031006/od_nm/odd_france_thongs_dc

Global intolerance is not without its enemies. Remember Walter Cronkite? Yeah, I thought he was dead too. He has something to say:
The New Inquisition
By Walter Cronkite
The Denver Post
http://www.truthout.org/docs_03/100703B.shtml

And Adam in "gay" Paris thought this liberty-bash was amusing. WHAT! Are we going after LAURA Bush now?
http://whitehouse.org/satanicide/index.asp

Here's how you really go after your enemies: bomb them.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/comment/story/0,3604,1055684,00.html
The war on al-Jazeera
The US is determined to suppress the independent Arab media
Dima Tareq Tahboub
Friday October 03 2003
The Guardian

Or torture them:
Lawyer Says Guantanamo Detainees Tortured
By The Associated Press
New York Times
http://www.truthout.org/docs_03/100903C.shtml

And get rich in the process:
Spending On Iraq Sets Off Gold Rush
By Jonathan Weisman and Anitha Reddy
Washington Post
http://www.truthout.org/docs_03/101003F.shtml

But here in California, we've got other things to worry about, besides torture and murder and bombing and such. As Gwyneth Paltrow so nicely put it during a recent interview about being chased around by paparazzi, "This is really a First World problem, and nothing that important."

Californians should take a look at this map, which summarizes state voting on the recall by county, and is quite educational as to the real nature of our state:
County map on recall
http://vote2003.ss.ca.gov/Returns/recall/mapN4.htm

And here's the latest tally of how many votes everyone got...here's where you get the real skinny on people like Angelyne, Larry Flynt (who did, admittedly, have a more detailed budget than Arnold Schwarzenegger), the porn star, and yes, Gary Coleman's amazing voter support. Many Californians, I must admit, are dumber than a bag of hammers:
http://vote2003.ss.ca.gov/Returns/gov/00.htm

The broader implications (and the blessed silver lining) are nicely laid out in this article:
Repairing California Government
By David S. Broder
Washington Post
http://www.truthout.org/docs_03/100903I.shtml

And Californians need a lot of help.
Man Wants to Question Parrot in Court
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20031006/ap_on_fe_st/disputed_parrot

Finally...
I don't know why Ellen sent me this, but here it is. There's something a little off about this guy. As you explore his webpage, it will suddenly come to you what it is. Good luck. PS Ellen, I hope you noticed the guy was a minister.
http://www.skirtman.org/index.html

Vive le Screed!